I live in a swing state, and my phone has been ringing off the hook for months. Most of the calls are either some chick from “Card-Holder Services” or a recorded politician. What I hate most about the recordings is I can’t tell anyone to take me off the list. It is crazy-making.

I am taking back control. I want to run elections like I’m the employer looking to hire. I have a job description for my representatives. I’m ready to accept applications, conduct some interviews, and then select the best candidate for the job of representing me in government.

WANTED: State Representative

Individual with experience, education, and expertise required in the following areas:

• Schools – funding, how school boards work, teacher pay and benefits, best educational practices
• Cities – funding, how town councils work, income taxes vs sales taxes, zoning, law enforcement, emergency services, care and maintenance of city utilities and programs
• Counties – funding, infrastructure, county services including child and family services, veterans, environmental, health and human services
• State – income taxes vs sales taxes, Medicare/Medicaid, school funding at the state and federal level

Also required: references speaking to work ethic, ability to work under pressure and manage competing priorities, willing to learn, skilled at teamwork, negotation, and compromise, dedication to serving all the constituents with a commitment to the poor and outcast and disenfranchised.

Preferred: Real-world experience, family with children, some exposure to living on the “wrong side of the tracks,” work overseas.

Send your resume, complete job history, and references ASAP. Packets must be complete or I will throw them out. Don’t call me. I will call you.

What would you require of those interested in representing you?