angry girl

Image credit: Dreamstime

It’s stunning how one little wrinkle in the day can throw me into a tizzy.

One thing doesn’t get done when I would have done it and within seconds I’m overwhelmed by frustration, displeasure, and discontent, growling under my breath at the people I love the most, unable to make a decision about what to do next.

If I could just step back and look at it for what it is… minor and relatively simple to remedy. My plan isn’t the only way life can unfold. A missed meal, an extra errand, forgetting to RSVP, not calling when I said I would, my “want to” not happening…. yes these are mistakes or unexpected changes of plans, but not worth the emotional price I pay.

When did I decide that I could set the agenda for each day?

When did I start thinking that bitterness when I don’t get my way is acceptable?

How did I forget that my anger at the unfolding of life tells God either that He has screwed up or that He is incapable of working out his plans in the face of the choices we make?

So arrogant.

Just the other day I told someone I’m not much of a planner because it works better if I just wait to see what happens. I can’t predict the future, and God keeps throwing curve balls. Then I turned around and threw a fit with one little miss-step in my daily routine (which is a plan!).

Perhaps this is one of the ways God keeps us humble, reminds us that we are not the master of our fate nor can we understand his ways. I am the master of my attitude, not my fate (contrary to the words of the poem by William Ernest Henley).

God, help me to manage well what you give me to manage. Help me remember that you are the master, I am the steward, and as master you may step in at any time. Help me remember what you ask of me – to do what I can with what happens and choose a good attitude, not to accomplish any particular end result.

255. attending a special “author tea” at my son’s school

256. the time he put into illustrating his “fractured fairy tale”

257. watching the youngest line up with his big brother’s class to go to recess

258. the sun finally emerging after what feels like weeks of rain and clouds

259. new clean play sand in the sandbox

260. flowers in pots

261. chasing the dog out of my newest flower bed

262. a long and deep phone conversation with a friend

263. discussing theology with my husband

264. glimpses of the direction toward which God is pointing me

265. last full week of school!

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