All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends. Fear thinks God is finite and fear believes that there is not going to be enough and hasn’t counting one thousand gifts, endlessly counting gifts, exposed the lie at the heart of all fear? In God, blessings never end because God’s love for you never ends.”

~from One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp

Will God run out before life does? Will my misfortune, my pain, my tragedy outlast God and his love and mercy?

This really is at the heart of my fear. Once I face the uncomfortable truth that despite my best efforts, I cannot control life… I cannot be God…. I face the uncertainty of Someone Else being in control of everything. Can I trust that Someone? Will He be big enough, strong enough, loving enough, to keep on and on and on?

Counting gifts is a resounding yes to that question. It reminds me that God indeed always has been, and He is, and therefore I can be confident that He always will be.

And so, I continue counting as I step one foot forward after another into the uncertain future and remind myself that He has always been there, right there, even when I found Him in unexpected forms and places.

161. 100 2nd-grade students from all over the world singing together

162. savoring pints of ice cream with the kids long after bedtime

163. a three-year-old’s enthusiastic declaration, “that was so exciting!”

164. a daughter swaying to her brother’s music

165. sunshine sparkling in dew drops on newly-green grass

166 . the longest hopscotch in the world!

167. chalk drawings in the driveway

168. prayers from friends

169. a 6th birthday celebration

170. 500 voices harmonizing the Happy Birthday song

171. catching a glimpse of my daughter’s joyful grin behind her stoic face and knowing she was delighted

172. the exclamation “you made this mommy???” upon opening her birthday quilt

173. playmates racing around outdoors on a warmish spring day

174. Saturday morning breakfast

 

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